Whenever, Wherever, Whatever (Part 1)

Whenever, Wherever, Whatever (Part 1)
By: Anonymous

hot-pinoy-hunks-in-underwear-88Ive always told myself, that only by learning as a person can I grow. Even mistakes, they do play an important role in everyone’s life.

I met Peter through a seminar in one of my usual business setups that the company does every couple of months for the company’s growth. I’m not really required to attend but then there was something pushing me to attend that day. Siguro the fact that I wasn’t feeling that well; I had a flu that’s why. Eh kesa magstambay ako sa bahay, manood ng dvd’s or watch television, mas pinili kong pumasok sa seminar. My boss even told me that I should go home and take a day off or at least a sick leave with pay pero may pagka-workaholic kase ako. Okay fine! I am a self confessed workaholic. Masyado kase akong stressed if I’ve got nothing to do, eh at least sa seminar I would get to mock the new employees and be the evil manager I am! Haha! But of course the evil me, pahinga siya dun sa seminar kasi nilalagnat kaya andun lang ako sa likod watching over the team while Peter lectured about the programs, and the sorts. Masyado kase ako busy sa kaka-singa ng sipon ko kaya medyo disturbance ang aking presence pero it’s okay at least I got to do my job right which is to watch over the newbies or the fresh meat.

Well as for Peter, he was a very good speaker. And he looked good in his coat and tie. Maski the tie looks off in his polo with that certain Sponge Bob effect na hindi ko ma-imagine kung kanino niyang idea ang ipartner ang yellow printed tie with a blue coat. Wow, pansinin daw ba. Anyway, he approached me when we had a break and told me about some business matters about the company, their company and the usual small talk you get with businessmen. Pero sabi ko “Don’t mind me… I’m just watching over them”

And he retorted with a question,

“But aren’t you the chairman’s son? Anong ginagawa mo dito?”

I just brushed his question away with a smile.

“I’m just a manager… Yun lang.”

And simply walked away habang singa ng sipon sa tissue to the max ang drama ko.

When the seminar was over, he approached me again and apologized for his indirect unethical tone earlier in the seminar. He also said that he was a classmate of mine in college and after that, we gave our introductions. I was shocked of course. Kase sa liit ba naman ng mundo dito naaalala pa niya ako tapos siya hindi ko maalalang nag-exist nga ba talaga siya sa class na yun. At dahil hindi rin niya daw ako makakalimutan dahil sa medyo eskandalosa kong recitation sa class na yun. So I asked him bakit di ko siya maalalang naging classmate ko siya. Sabi niya, that was his last term na daw kase sa Singapore na siya nag-aral after nung term na yun. At tahimik daw talaga siya sa class kaya hindi nga raw talaga siya mapapansin.

He gave me his calling card and asked me out for some business proposal thingy that I wasn’t really minding that time, but since he was so hesitant and kind of annoying, I just gave him a simple answer which is “Sure, so just give me the time and location.”

At ayun, he had set us up for a business dinner turned into somewhat date. Ewan ko, akala ko din bussiness dinner yun pero sa sinehan kami napunta. He was expecting that movie to be shown for some quite a time eh ngayon lang siya nagkaroon ng oras na manood ng sine at sinama pa ako. Oh yes, sigaw ng sigaw sa isang horror chick flick at ako naman, singa ng singa sa tissue at manhid na sa mga tili at nakakairitang babae na mahaharot sa likod namin. At siya naman, nakakapit na sa kamay ko. Tinititigan ko siya ng matalim, habang singa sa hawak hawak kong tissue, kung napapansin kong kakaiba na kilos niya. At nagsosorry talaga siya, at least may manners siya pag nabuburaot ako sakanya. At sa segundong lumabas itong pesky monster na halatang tinadtad ng prosthetics sa pinapanood naming movie eh napapatalon naman itong si Peter na nakaupo sa tabi ko sabay hawak sa jacket ko. Ako naman, balak ko na sanang singahan ‘tong si Peter kaya lang gwapo kaya sige… Pagbigyan.

We had dinner afterwards and had the usual conversation. About his family, him being the youngest and his brother and sister na pamilyado na and with him having a girlfriend. Ako rin naman nagshare kahit papano. He told me that I looked so cool and so calm that first time he met me.

After the first date, we dated a couple of times and with me not taking things seriously. As if it was just a simple friendship that I share every secret and interest with someone. We were very platonic, as in para lang kaming magbarkada at magbestfriend kung titignan mo talaga.

And Peter does have a girlfriend that time, Maja. She and I got to have our bonding moments together, we even go to malls or pag mag-shopping siya minsan ay ina-aya na niya ako. Naturingan na niya akong kapatid kasi nadamay na siya sa closeness that Peter and I shared together. Nakakatawa kasi pag hindi available ang boyfriend niya, ako yung nahahatak at nadedehado kaya nagmumukha kaming magsyota ni Maja eh sa higpit ba naman ng hawak sa braso ko.

The first boy friend I had was my college suitor turned boy friend na ewan ko kung paano ako nagustuhan nun eh halos baligtad na baligtad ang personalities namin. Halos ata lahat ng sports alam. Pati extreme sports which are drag racing, motocross, rock climbing at bungee jumping. With his goatee, two pierced earrings, his tattooes. It really surprised me when he came into the doorstep of my condo unit near school na may dalang bulaklak. Binagsak ko ung pinto. At ganun nagmukha siyang tanga kakadoorbell sa pintuan. At tinext pa akong he loves a good challenge. Nireplyan ko through text na ayaw ko sa kanya. Ayoko naman kase yung extreme side of masculinity. Nasobrahan sa pagkalalake at hindi ko ma-assume sa sarili ko kung may sensitive side pa ba yang nasa loob niya. So he cried on my doorstep and scolded me at nag-monologue at nagdrama at sinermonan pa ako na he thought that I was not shallow and would look beyond deeper of what a person really is, kase that was the thing that he loved most about me daw. And with me looking into inner beauty. Well it worked for me kaya nakapasok siya sa loob ng condo ko at ayun ni-rape ako. Torrid kissing dito, torrid kissing doon. Siya lang ang taong nakapagpatuwad sa aking ng apat na beses ng hindi man lang siya nanlalambot, eveready battery nga ang tawag ko sa kanya. At ako, pagod na pagod na, pero wala. Go pa rin si Mr. Hayok sa Laman.

Sinagot ko siya after nung first time na nagsex kami kasi alam kong isang taon na niya rin akong pinagnanasahan at ako naman iniiwasan siya dahil alam kong gusto niya ako. And I think after that sexual experience with him, I got to realize things that maybe I do like this guy and I just too scared to admit myself that I was falling in love with him kaya ko siya iniwasan. Ang weird talaga ng pag-ibig, para lang tanga.

I got to know him because he was the cousin of a friend of a friend of a friend of mine. In short, classmate ko siya. That was in my Philippine Literature Class when we studied the works of people I forgot na. Hinding hindi ko makakalimutan on the class when my female professor tackled homosexuality. My classmate detested homosexuality and the professor was arguing with him. Malay ba ng prof namin na bading din siya. He was pretending to be homophobic and he completely detested the existence of homosexuals on the phase of the planet. Ako tahimik lang sa gilid syempre at nakatingin sa malayo. Palibhasa sobrang lamig sa class kaya tinatago kong nangangatog mga ipin ko sa lamig. Nung tinawag ako ng professor ko about my say about the existence of homosexuality. I just said,

“Miss, I’m gay.”

(Professor shocked, including the whole class)

“…because if there would be a man whom I can fall in love with, without the environment depicting any rules among gender which is possible and is rampantly happening nowadays. It is inevitable for me to fall in love for a guy given the certain conditions that I myself do not know. So, homosexuality does exist. But since there is no guy I could fall in love with, then there is no reason for me to be gay. Ma’am, love breaks boundaries. And if love can destroy one’s embedded image of aspects that involves one’s enclosed ideals that society have inputted within one’s mind then love can also break the over generalized ideologies when it comes to sexuality. Marami po kasing tanga sa mundo, Ma’am.”

After my speech nag-bell na nun at time na. I could hear the annoying comments of my classmates saying, “Oh My God, bakla ba siya? He is so sayang, grabe na ito!” And “Baka bi-sexual lang?” One guy I heard as I exit my class say, “Tangna pare, nakasama ko pa man din siya magcomfort room the other day. Buti na lang hindi ako chinupa sa C.R. Hahahaha!”

That’s when I realized that all the while, people thought I was straight until the time I gave them a clue about who I really am. Nakakatawa no. And that was the start that everyone treated me differently, including him. Paglabas ko sa classroom he congratulated my into my very nice speech. And then he said, “You’re different from the guys that I’ve met. Want to go out sometimes?”

At yun na rin nag-umpisa ang iwasan ko siya. Ang dami talagang tanga sa mundo.

Frankly speaking, he is a hottie. Medyo may pagka-foreigner look siya kase half German something and half Pinoy. He is a good breed and very good person. Wala sa mga naging ex boyfriends ko ang kasing bait, caring at loving na tao tulad niya. Lahat ng kagaguhan ay nagawa ko na sakanya but him, he still affirms to the fact that he loves me no matter what and that love could with stand everything. Para kase kaming Yin and Yang, we complement each other. He is the good side with a very very contradicting look on his physical aspect, and ako naman good boy effect pero may tinatagong topak.

We were not a perfect couple ika nga. We had many fights about petty things, him being so jealous of my straight friends. Minsan talagang war freak siya, as in nagbabato ng kung anong mahawakan niya sa sobrang galit kase nagger ako pag nag-aaway kami. He never laid a finger on me. Pag napapansin kong umiiyak na siya alam ko nang nasasaktan ko siya. Alam niyang hindi ako nagsosorry pero once I hug or kiss him, he knows that it’s my own way of saying sorry.

A big problem with our relationship though is that my mom detested him. The good thing about us is that we fought for what we believed in. He defended me against all odds. And I protected him against what my mom would say about him. In the end, we came triumphant. My mom that time still disagreed with me in having him as a partner kasi daw mukhang masasaktan lang daw ako sakanya.

My mom’s prophecy turned to be so true nung officially iniwan niya ako with consent. As they say, good things come to an end. He had to leave the Philippines and pursue further his studies abroad. Natanggap kasi yung sinubmit niyang scholarship for some University in UK. Hindi ko siya kinausap for a month. And siya, hindi magawang kausapin ako because he knew that I was hurting, and in so much pain. Sabi niya, he just could not bear of me looking like that. But I realized one thing ‘First love never dies.’ So bakit ko siya sasakalin sa bagay na gusto niya sa buhay niya diba. Wala na akong nagawa that time but choose the more selfish reason for myself, let him go inspite of my happiness. When we were at the airport, I never shed a tear for him, but my heart was bleeding na pinagdadasal kong ma-highjack yung plane para lang hindi siya maka-alis ng Pinas. And with me having this innate feeling that if ever we bump into each other, given the freedom of not having attachments and responsibilities I know that we would still be together. Unless one of us did change in the long run. Siya ung humagulgol dun sa airport, habang ako naman I tried to be so cool and steady kase tingin ng tingin mga tao sa amin. Sabay yakap ng mahigpit, hahalikan sana ako sa lips pero sabi ko nalang

‘Not here. Maybe some other time.’

But I wanted to kiss him so bad. But I was scared that time na baka that would be my last kiss to him. So I didn’t. I couldn’t. Nawalan kame ng contact after niya umalis, when I heard the news about him getting married and had kids there after 7 years of separation. Kristoffer, or as I would call him ‘Toffee’ would always be the one who got away.

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ITUTULOY

 
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